Jeffrey Vallance

    A Scatological Eschatology

 ‘HOLY SHIT!’                 ︎


In the Old Testament, the Philistines captured Israel’s Holy Ark of the Covenant. This sacrilege made Jehova very angry. As punishment, the Lord God inflicted a hideous plague of emerods (hemorrhoids) upon the pilferers “in their secret parts,” that is to say, the anus. The suffering was too excruciatingly painful for the Philistines, so they respectfully sent the Ark back to Israel. In a separate chest, the Philistines included a “trespass offering” consisting of five golden sculptures of anuses with hemorrhoids clustered upon them and another set of five sculptures of mice representing the five tribal leaders of the Philistines. The mice were included since mouse dung was believed to be a cure for hemorrhoids. (1 Samuel 6: 1-18)


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Hotel is a magazine for new approaches to fiction, non fiction & poetry & features work from established & emerging talent. Hotel provides the space for experimental reflection on literature’s status as art & cultural mediator. The magazine is bi-annual, the online archive is updated periodically.

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