99 Point Manifesto

Dostoyevsky Wannabe
from the Editors

1. A well-designed book can have many authors and many authors can write many well-designed books.
2A country can have one capital city and a capital city can belong to only one country.
3A person may have more than one phone number and more than one phone number can be attached to more than one person.
4Some data must be nullable.
5. Accidental weddings should always be annullable.
6It is not necessary to give birth to children but if you want to do it you can.
7Data is just data, it is not information.
8Pattern is not illustration.
9Typefaces can have more or less texture.
10Typesetting is real and is not invisible and is visible and must be respected.
11Manifestos must never be adhered to.
12The first sentence puts forward ideas that the writer later shows to be out-of-date, unjustified or illustrative of a general point.
13Many to Many relationships require a bridge table.
14One to Many relationships are cool.
15One to One relationships are clandestine.
16Highly-stylised basketball players should always display a post-Techno strangeness.
17We are not gatekeepers. We do not even have a gate.
18There is no need to read The Architectural Review anymore.
19Once a year you must sing Bennie and the Jets.
20It is important to argue over the meaning of ‘entities’ and ‘attributes’ when designing a relational database management system.
21Jonathan Richman should be studied.
22In Douglas Coupland’s Girlfriend in a Coma, the characters of Richard and Karen almost certainly refer to Richard and Karen Carpenter but this mustn’t be dwelt upon too much.
23The music of The Carpenters is to be tolerated, loved even.
24Karen Carpenter’s solo-effort, the disco-influenced, ‘My Body Keeps Chaining my Mind’ was as good as anything that The Carpenters ever did but was also different. People should not suppress that record.
25. Object orientated high level computer programming languages must be compared to Lego when being taught at beginner level.
26. Object orientated high computer programming languages must be given up at intermediate level due to a lack of verbs and too many nouns.
27It is important to have an eye color and to spell it with an American spelling.
28A function is like a verb, kind of.
29An object is kind of like a noun.
30An attribute doesn’t need to be rendered in the CSS language.
31Javascript can be used on the server-side and still be sexy.
32A website is like a restaurant.
33Weakness is cool.
34Losing is cool.
35Netflix is not as good as people claim.
36Physiology and psychology are probably not more closely linked than people imagine.
37People should imagine.
38Dostoyevsky Wannabe is DIY.
39All DIY practices are not necessarily given to overt activism.
40Bleeding a radiator is like typesetting a novel.
41Paragraph styles are real but people don’t believe in them.
42People become bandits because they cannot join a legal opposition party. 
43A secondary reason that prompts people to become bandits is because they have few career paths open to them.
44Some people choose to become bandits because they like theatrical clothes and behaviour.
45If poetry is going to be eccentrically formatted then there may as well be a reason.
46People who typeset books do not indulge in eccentrically formatted poetry.
47We might publish your book just because we like you.
48We might not publish your book because we lost the email.
49We might publish your book because it is ‘good’ in our subjective opinion.
50Dostoyevsky Wannabe publishing should not be termed ‘publishing’.
51We might publish your book because you have thousands of Twitter followers.
52To understand the politics of DWHQ requires knowledge of a 1960s print advertisement for the VW Beetle that just said ‘Lemon’.
53America should be careful what it loves.
54America should not be as American as apple pie.
55Social-media posts that simply state the facts run the risk of looking like paid advertisements and subsequently being passed over.
56User Experience should involve a discovery process.
57User Experience should involve an ideation process.
58Bookshops cannot have sale or return of Dostoyevsky Wannabe books.
59Ethical positions are complicated.
60Create, Read, Update and Delete operations are everywhere. Look for them. 61.  Everyone should form print on demand presses for reasons of pure folly.
62Advertising is the most dangerous word in advertising.
63A data model is not a prescription.
64A data model is the result of creative decision making.
65Every computer programming language or framework has a pop star doppelganger (i.e. Ezra Furman teaching databases, Sandie Shaw teaching intermediate Laravel).
66Vinyl is reassuring but expensive.
67Colour is good.
68We demand a return to ‘grunge typography’ (circa 1993).
69Good Housekeeping Colour Cookery (1965) should be honoured as having the best colour food photography.
70Pop music does not have to be defined by high-sales figures.
71Everyone’s idea of pop music defines in some way how we see them.
72There can only be one clustered index (i.e. like a phone book).
73There can be many non-clustered indices.
74An index can speed up your SELECT query.
75An index can slow down your INSERT query.
76You do not have to talk to your machines using voice commands.
77Vikki Styles’ song ‘The Tears Won’t Stop Falling’ is better than Darrell Banks’ ‘Open the Door to your Heart’ despite what male music snobs on Discogs may think. Always remind them of this fact.
78People must try to watch the pixel visions of Sadie Benning even if they have to commit piracy to do so.
79The people of Generation X should not be forgotten.
80Dostoyevsky Wannabe are sometimes riot grrrl.
81. Slacker is better than Reality Bites.
82. Simulated Super-8 film footage is permissible on grounds of cost and usability.
83Simulated Holga and Diana film stock is permissible on grounds of cost and usability.
84A crack in the window is not the end of the world.
85There is such a thing as Pop’s Collective Unconscious.
86Typefaces are guiding you more than you think but you must not care if people call them fonts.
87If you poured some wine when you meant to take off your jumper that is totally fine.
88To be in with our ‘in-crowd’ you must learn to pronounce asafoetida like it is no big deal to use garam masala in a vinaigrette.
89To be in with our ‘in-crowd’ you must know whether you prefer Blossom or Six.
90. To be in with our ‘in-crowd’ you must keep a calendar and attempt shelves for organisation of candles and adult thoughts.
91It is important to read between the lines and to realise the serious intent behind much of this manifesto.
92Like geese you must try and make the smart move.
93There is no need to think about your uterus in Bethnal Green but it is fine to do so.
94Dostoyevsky Wannabe would rather sink than call Brad for help.
95The pioneers of aviation were never lonely’. Please remember this. 
96What seemed radical once doesn’t always seem radical now.
97What seemed daring once doesn’t always seem daring now.
98Genre labels are fuzzy and prone to ambiguity.
99A ninety-nine point manifesto risks an alienated reader.

Dostoyevsky Wannabe publish independent/experimental/underground things. They are a zero budget operation. See here.

Dostoyevsky Wannabe is edited by Victoria Brown & Richard Brammer.

This Manifesto fist appeared in the eleventh issue of The Cambridge Literary Review in a special issue on the manifesto edited by Rosie Šnajdr alongside works by Isabel Waidner; Ammiel Alcalay; Audre Lorde; Jean Sénac; Kay Gabriel; Drew Milne; Patrick Coyle; Shola von Reynolds; Sean Bonney; Nisha Ramayya; John Wilkinson; Jonty Tiplady; Simon DeDeo; Lisa Jeschke; Lucy Beynon; Katy Deepwell; Lee Ann Brown; Norman Fischer; Laynie Browne; Nicholas Makoha; James E. Montgomery; Sam Riviere; Mark Hearld; Noirwave; Emily Critchley; Paige Smeaton; Imogen Cassels; Jessica Lack; & Raymond Geuss. See here.

In the Spring, Dostoyevsky Wannabe willpublisha collaborative anthology with Hotel collating works from the archive; see here.



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Hotel is a magazine for new approaches to fiction, non fiction & poetry & features work from established & emerging talent. Hotel provides the space for experimental reflection on literature’s status as art & cultural mediator. The magazine is bi-annual, the online archive is updated periodically.

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