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A 99 Point MANIFESTO

Dostoyevsky WANNABE;

A message from the EDITORs



1. A well-designed book can have many authors and many authors can write many well-designed books.

2. A country can have one capital city and a capital city can belong to only one country.

3. A person may have more than one phone number and more than one phone number can be attached to more than one person.

4. Some data must be nullable.

5. Accidental weddings should always be annullable.

6. It is not necessary to give birth to children but if you want to do it you can.

7. Data is just data, it is not information.

8. Pattern is not illustration.

9. Typefaces can have more or less texture.

10. Typesetting is real and is not invisible and is visible and must be respected.

11. Manifestos must never be adhered to.

12. The first sentence puts forward ideas that the writer later shows to be out-of-date, unjustified or illustrative of a general point.

13. Many to Many relationships require a bridge table.

14. One to Many relationships are cool.

15. One to One relationships are clandestine.

16. Highly-stylised basketball players should always display a post-Techno strangeness.

17. We are not gatekeepers. We do not even have a gate.

18. There is no need to read The Architectural Review anymore.

19. Once a year you must sing Bennie and the Jets.

20. It is important to argue over the meaning of ‘entities’ and ‘attributes’ when designing a relational database management system.

21. Jonathan Richman should be studied.

22. In Douglas Coupland’s Girlfriend in a Coma, the characters of Richard and Karen almost certainly refer to Richard and Karen Carpenter but this mustn’t be dwelt upon too much.

23. The music of The Carpenters is to be tolerated, loved even. 24. Karen Carpenter’s solo-effort, the disco-influenced, ‘My Body Keeps Chaining my Mind’ was as good as anything that The Carpenters ever did but was also different. People should not suppress that record.

25. Object orientated high level computer programming languages must be compared to Lego when being taught at beginner level. 26. Object orientated high computer programming languages must be given up at intermediate level due to a lack of verbs and too many nouns.

27. It is important to have an eye color and to spell it with an American spelling.

28. A function is like a verb, kind of.

29. An object is kind of like a noun.

30. An attribute doesn’t need to be rendered in the CSS language.

31. Javascript can be used on the server-side and still be sexy.

32. A website is like a restaurant.

33. Weakness is cool.

34. Losing is cool.

35. Netflix is not as good as people claim.

36. Physiology and psychology are probably not more closely linked than people imagine.

37. People should imagine.

38. Dostoyevsky Wannabe is DIY.

39. All DIY practices are not necessarily given to overt activism.

40. Bleeding a radiator is like typesetting a novel.

41. Paragraph styles are real but people don’t believe in them.

42. People become bandits because they cannot join a legal opposition party.
 
43. A secondary reason that prompts people to become bandits is because they have few career paths open to them.

44. Some people choose to become bandits because they like theatrical clothes and behaviour.

45. If poetry is going to be eccentrically formatted then there may as well be a reason.

46. People who typeset books do not indulge in eccentrically formatted poetry.

47. We might publish your book just because we like you.

48. We might not publish your book because we lost the email.

49. We might publish your book because it is ‘good’ in our subjective opinion.

50. Dostoyevsky Wannabe publishing should not be termed ‘publishing’.

51. We might publish your book because you have thousands of Twitter followers.

52. To understand the politics of DWHQ requires knowledge of a 1960s print advertisement for the VW Beetle that just said ‘Lemon.’ 

53. America should be careful what it loves.

54. America should not be as American as apple pie.

55. Social-media posts that simply state the facts run the risk of looking like paid advertisements and subsequently being passed over.

56. User Experience should involve a discovery process.

57. User Experience should involve an ideation process.

58. Bookshops cannot have sale or return of Dostoyevsky Wannabe books.

59. Ethical positions are complicated.

60. Create, Read, Update and Delete operations are everywhere. Look for them.

61.  Everyone should form print on demand presses for reasons of pure folly.

62. Advertising is the most dangerous word in advertising.

63. A data model is not a prescription.

64. A data model is the result of creative decision making.

65. Every computer programming language or framework has a pop star doppelganger (i.e. Ezra Furman teaching databases, Sandie Shaw teaching intermediate Laravel).

66. Vinyl is reassuring but expensive.

67. Colour is good.

68. We demand a return to ‘grunge typography’ (circa 1993).

69. Good Housekeeping Colour Cookery (1965) should be honoured as having the best colour food photography.

70. Pop music does not have to be defined by high-sales figures.

71. Everyone’s idea of pop music defines in some way how we see them.

72. There can only be one clustered index (i.e. like a phone book).

73. There can be many non-clustered indices.

74. An index can speed up your SELECT query.

75. An index can slow down your INSERT query.

76. You do not have to talk to your machines using voice commands.

77. Vikki Styles’ song ‘The Tears Won’t Stop Falling’ is better than Darrell Banks’ ‘Open the Door to your Heart’ despite what male music snobs on Discogs may think. Always remind them of this fact.

78. People must try to watch the pixel visions of Sadie Benning even if they have to commit piracy to do so.

79. The people of Generation X should not be forgotten.

80. Dostoyevsky Wannabe are sometimes riot grrrl.

81. Slacker is better than Reality Bites.

82. Simulated Super-8 film footage is permissible on grounds of cost and usability.

83. Simulated Holga and Diana film stock is permissible on grounds of cost and usability.

84. A crack in the window is not the end of the world.

85. There is such a thing as Pop’s Collective Unconscious.

86. Typefaces are guiding you more than you think but you must not care if people call them fonts.

87. If you poured some wine when you meant to take off your jumper that is totally fine.

88. To be in with our ‘in-crowd’ you must learn to pronounce asafoetida like it is no big deal to use garam masala in a vinaigrette.

89. To be in with our ‘in-crowd’ you must know whether you prefer Blossom or Six.

90. To be in with our ‘in-crowd’ you must keep a calendar and attempt shelves for organisation of candles and adult thoughts.

91. It is important to read between the lines and to realise the serious intent behind much of this manifesto.

92. Like geese you must try and make the smart move.

93. There is no need to think about your uterus in Bethnal Green but it is fine to do so.

94. Dostoyevsky Wannabe would rather sink than call Brad for help.

95. The pioneers of aviation were never lonely’. Please remember this.
 
96. What seemed radical once doesn’t always seem radical now.

97. What seemed daring once doesn’t always seem daring now.

98. Genre labels are fuzzy and prone to ambiguity.

99. A ninety-nine point manifesto risks an alienated reader.





This ‘Manifesto’ fist appeared in the eleventh issue of The Cambridge Literary Review in a special issue on the manifesto edited by Rosie Šnajdr alongside works by Isabel Waidner; Ammiel Alcalay; Audre Lorde; Jean Sénac; Kay Gabriel; Drew Milne; Patrick Coyle; Shola von Reynolds; Sean Bonney; Nisha Ramayya; John Wilkinson; Jonty Tiplady; Simon DeDeo; Lisa Jeschke; Lucy Beynon; Katy Deepwell; Lee Ann Brown; Norman Fischer; Laynie Browne; Nicholas Makoha; James E. Montgomery; Sam Riviere; Mark Hearld; Noirwave; Emily Critchley; Paige Smeaton; Imogen Cassels; Jessica Lack; & Raymond Geuss. See here.



Dostoyevsky WANNABE publish” independent/experimental/underground things.

They are a zero budget operation.

See
here.

Dostoyevsky WANNABE is run by Victoria BROWN & Richard BRAMMER.





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Hotel is a magazine for new approaches to fiction, non fiction & poetry & features work from established & emerging talent. Hotel provides the space for experimental reflection on literature’s status as art & cultural mediator. The magazine is bi-annual, the online archive is updated periodically.



     

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